Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Why I Hope I Can Breastfeed Next Time

  Let me start on why it did not work out with William.  I may have posted about it when he was born but I do not remember.  Throughout my pregnancy I planned on breastfeeding and thought it would be easy-peasy.  I read about it but never took a class or reached out to someone that had been successful at breastfeeding.  I also did not buy a pump because 1) I wanted to make sure I was able to breastfeed and 2) I figured I would not even need one for awhile.  I was very wrong. 
  I should have invested in a nice pump and took it the hospital.  The hospital where I delivered were pro breast but not very pro assist the brand new Mommy.  I will never forget my fight for help in the hospital.  The nurses had no issue telling me to feed every 2 hours but had a lot of issue helping me every 2 hours.  I set my alarm and tried to wake up a very sleepy newborn to feed him.  He wanted nothing to do with eating and everything to do with sleeping.  I remember holding him and waiting for almost an hour for a nurse to help with the latch. 
  The only good feeding session was when a young lactation consultant came in and stayed the whole time.  I never saw her again after that feeding.  Again, I got a lot of "he is very jaundice and is losing weight quickly" but never any support.  They poured sugar water on me, formula on me, but nothing helped.  I was soooo discouraged by the time I went home.  Honestly, the time we left the hospital and the time he started formula is a blur.  I do not know if it was 24 hours or less or more.  He cried all night our first night home and had lost more weight when we saw the Dr. in the morning.  I do recall the doctor suggesting to nurse William then offer formula.  William had not urinated all day and when I called the office they said, "ER."  This was my last straw he started formula and I suffered through the pain of milk coming in.  Looking back maybe my milk was slow coming in and thats why it was so difficult.  Who knows what happened. 
  I will also say my parents were not very supportive.  They did not really see a point in breastfeeding when you have formula at your finger tips.  It was just hard.  I still think about it to this day.  What if I had taken a class?  What if I had bought a good pump and pumped until he got a good latch?  What if I had someone sitting beside me the whole time cheering me on?  These questions do not matter now.  William is very healthy and very happy.  Formula did not hurt him in anyway but I had wanted to breastfeed him.  I wanted that bond.  Next time I will take a class.  Next time I will invest in a pump and next time I will ask questions. 

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