I am taking four graduate classes this semester and working but I know God will only give me what I can handle. I try to say this to myself each morning during prayer. I have so many detailed assignments to complete plus lab hours; it is very easy to become overwhelmed. I have put my calendar (with every due date, appointment, work hours) in His hands; I no longer sweat over the small things. I take it day by day (I start projects early) but I know that I can do this work and be a wife with God's help. It is funny because you can not hear, see, smell, or touch God but I know He is right here with me all the time. Please notice I left out one of the senses: feel. I feel God's presence because I have chosen Him above worldly things and He gave His Son to forgive me for my sins. Although I went to a Christian school for 12 years I honestly can say it is up to you to make the choice to live a life according to God's will. Many times I felt forced to be something I was not or was not ready for but throughout those years God was working in me. One day over the Christmas break I opened my Bible and began reading verses. I had seen the verses before in Bible class but I was seeing the same words with new eyes and an open heart. I am not perfect and I still have a long way to go on this journey. I sin everyday and I still have personal fears but those fears are at rest more in this last month then ever before. One thing I am working on is to have a more positive attitude. I try to go into work or class with a smile and with positive thoughts. As hard as it may be to believe a positive outlook changes everything. There are still customers that are difficult and do not leave the best tips but it does not anger me as much now. I say to myself, "I know what I have been through but I do not have a clue about their lives." Everyone has bad days and I try to be understanding. This life on earth is not promised to anyone so I choose to LOVE each day I am given.
*I got a message from someone that has been reading my blog and this truly touches my heart. Writing releases a lot of feelings for me and if my words speak to anyone else; it is a blessing from God! Thank you!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I received Lifetime Membership today at Weight Watchers. Success is a wonderful feeling; now I must stick to this lifestyle change. It is a lot easier to manage when I am in a routine. After weighing in this morning I had to work. Honestly, I need to work, I have been taking fewer shifts to rest up for next semester and it has caught up with the checking account. It was a blessing to go into work this morning and see that a co-worker had volunteered me for three closing shifts. Rudy and I had a discussion about my schedule and having those closing shifts put him at ease. Changing the topic, I have developed a curiosity for politics. After getting several books for Christmas, my conclusion is that my highschool was not up to par or I did a lot of daydreaming (lets hope the latter, my parents paid for that eduaction for 12 years). The information in the books is eye opening. A lot of people do not get the facts and I know you are thinking, "Well, you only have one side." That is true but the books I read show other points of view as well. I also intend to check out (refuse to buy books from the "other side") from the library books from different points of view. I will do this only to say I have seen both sides of the coin and I will be going with the logical one, Thanks! I do not have enough knowledge to debate and that is not why I write. I just promised myself I would read nonfiction in 2010 and I am off to a great start. Again, subject change, my dad gave me a DVD that he had transferred some home videos to. Of course the DVD will have my brother on them but have not yet watched it. I have seen the videos lots of times but the DVD is still in the case. The little boy in those videos was so innocent and happy. I saw a glimpse of one while my Dad was transferring videos to DVD. Christopher is in a play singing (really loud) and I immediately thought, "What happened?" He was so angry at the world and he thought everyone owed him something. Why? Again, I will never know answers to endless questions about my brother and I have to find peace with that. He is no longer doing drugs or getting arrested but I no longer hear his laugh or feel his hugs. As angry as he was Christopher had a big heart. I have to believe he is safer now then he was on Earth. I have to let God give me peace. What a random post but I felt the urge to get my thoughts out.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I have not written in such a long time but I feel it is time. I had a wonderful break from class but I am actually ready to start back January 11. I enjoy a solid routine: school, work, time with husband and parents. When I am not in school I feel obligated to spend every moment at work(Ugh). Christmas and New Year's were both wonderful. My family is blessed and for that I am very thankful. I try to give to others as much as I can. We bought Christmas presents for one of Rudy's co-workers. Let me tell you, shopping for children is so much fun. Someone will have to stop me when I have children of my own. (We have been thinking about children but leaving that in God's hands). I graduate with my teaching degree in December (yay) and we are hoping to be pregnant by that time. I can not wait to be a mother. It is a blessing to raise a child and my prayer is that we are guided through the entire process. We will need help! I am also training for my first 5K; I am so excited. Running for me is a release of everything on my mind and heart. As I run through the trail behind my apartment I let it all go and I run over it each day. Make a goal and stick to it. I started Weight Watchers in September and will get lifetime membership this Tuesday (fingers crossed) and now I paid my fee for the race. As a child, I began a lot of activities and quit everything. This thought is depressing because I do not want to pass this trait to my future children. So, I started WW and reached that goal and it felt amazing. I did it with help from the Creator and on February 13 I will run a 5K. You will notice I have made several comments about God in this post. Recently I began reading my Bible as well as focusing on devotionals from a great website. Although I went to a Christian school my entire academic career I have just now realized how important a relationship with the Heavenly Father is for me. Each day I try to start with prayer and I am shocked at how my day is more at peace. (I will write another post on this at a later date.) I chose to visit Asbury Methodist these past two Sundays and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I relate to the pastor and the church is very inviting. I will end this post and try to write more frequently; school is starting back in a week but I'll do my best.