Lifetime!

I received Lifetime Membership today at Weight Watchers. Success is a wonderful feeling; now I must stick to this lifestyle change. It is a lot easier to manage when I am in a routine. After weighing in this morning I had to work. Honestly, I need to work, I have been taking fewer shifts to rest up for next semester and it has caught up with the checking account. It was a blessing to go into work this morning and see that a co-worker had volunteered me for three closing shifts. Rudy and I had a discussion about my schedule and having those closing shifts put him at ease. Changing the topic, I have developed a curiosity for politics. After getting several books for Christmas, my conclusion is that my highschool was not up to par or I did a lot of daydreaming (lets hope the latter, my parents paid for that eduaction for 12 years). The information in the books is eye opening. A lot of people do not get the facts and I know you are thinking, "Well, you only have one side." That is true but the books I read show other points of view as well. I also intend to check out (refuse to buy books from the "other side") from the library books from different points of view. I will do this only to say I have seen both sides of the coin and I will be going with the logical one, Thanks! I do not have enough knowledge to debate and that is not why I write. I just promised myself I would read nonfiction in 2010 and I am off to a great start. Again, subject change, my dad gave me a DVD that he had transferred some home videos to. Of course the DVD will have my brother on them but have not yet watched it. I have seen the videos lots of times but the DVD is still in the case. The little boy in those videos was so innocent and happy. I saw a glimpse of one while my Dad was transferring videos to DVD. Christopher is in a play singing (really loud) and I immediately thought, "What happened?" He was so angry at the world and he thought everyone owed him something. Why? Again, I will never know answers to endless questions about my brother and I have to find peace with that. He is no longer doing drugs or getting arrested but I no longer hear his laugh or feel his hugs. As angry as he was Christopher had a big heart. I have to believe he is safer now then he was on Earth. I have to let God give me peace. What a random post but I felt the urge to get my thoughts out.

It has a been a while...

I have not written in such a long time but I feel it is time. I had a wonderful break from class but I am actually ready to start back January 11. I enjoy a solid routine: school, work, time with husband and parents. When I am not in school I feel obligated to spend every moment at work(Ugh). Christmas and New Year's were both wonderful. My family is blessed and for that I am very thankful. I try to give to others as much as I can. We bought Christmas presents for one of Rudy's co-workers. Let me tell you, shopping for children is so much fun. Someone will have to stop me when I have children of my own. (We have been thinking about children but leaving that in God's hands). I graduate with my teaching degree in December (yay) and we are hoping to be pregnant by that time. I can not wait to be a mother. It is a blessing to raise a child and my prayer is that we are guided through the entire process. We will need help! I am also training for my first 5K; I am so excited. Running for me is a release of everything on my mind and heart. As I run through the trail behind my apartment I let it all go and I run over it each day. Make a goal and stick to it. I started Weight Watchers in September and will get lifetime membership this Tuesday (fingers crossed) and now I paid my fee for the race. As a child, I began a lot of activities and quit everything. This thought is depressing because I do not want to pass this trait to my future children. So, I started WW and reached that goal and it felt amazing. I did it with help from the Creator and on February 13 I will run a 5K. You will notice I have made several comments about God in this post. Recently I began reading my Bible as well as focusing on devotionals from a great website. Although I went to a Christian school my entire academic career I have just now realized how important a relationship with the Heavenly Father is for me. Each day I try to start with prayer and I am shocked at how my day is more at peace. (I will write another post on this at a later date.) I chose to visit Asbury Methodist these past two Sundays and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I relate to the pastor and the church is very inviting. I will end this post and try to write more frequently; school is starting back in a week but I'll do my best.

Christopher's 22nd Birthday

My brother turns 22 today and he is not here to celebrate. There are many people celebrating their birthdays today all over the world, but Christopher is celebrating in a better place. Balloons, cakes, gifts: none of these things can compare to what he is experiencing without his family and friends. My mom has been on the defense for a couple of weeks, and I do not know what to say to her. I will never feel what she feels on this day, but I try to be as positive as possible. He never really liked birthday cake, he rarely ate his own cake. This day last year he celebrated his 21st birthday at TGIFriday's with my parents and a couple of friends. I was not there (I had planned to come that Saturday), and now I imagine how happy he was that night. My parents told me he ordered his first drink (LIT) and had to stand on a chair while the servers sang, "Happy Birthday." He celebrated later that night with friends, my dad said, "It was a good day for him." I would never have thought he would be gone three days later, and never hear "Happy Birthday" again. Today, I say "Happy Birthday" to my brother who I miss everyday, but believe is in Heaven smiling down on us each day.